Cold Feet
by Broe929
Summary: ...he hurt her so bad because he thought it would save her instead it killed him  one-shot season 4


**Ok so first of all if anyone is still reading Gimme Shelter I haven't forgotten it but I haven't been very prodoctive with it either :/ I've written a few paragraphs down here and there and hopefully will finish the chapter soon so for those who are wondering about it- it's still a WIP and I apologize.**

**As for this story it's a one-shot and takes place after Child's Play in season 4. This is different from what I usually write I'm usually more of an action/drama writer so this is a bit of a new genre for me so please share with me what you thought. It's just a angsty/fun one shot on an idea I had in my head. I've really been unhappy with the lack of DL in the new season so far so I've decided I'll just keep writing and reading all the amazing DL stories here to keep me going until we get a good episode :)**

**I hope you all enjoy it :)**

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COLD FEET

Lindsay was sitting at a bar in the City with most of her fellow colleagues. Stella, Flack, Jessica Angell, Hawkes, Adam and even Sid were all there to celebrate with Lindsay.

"What is going on kiddo?" Stella said with a big smile pulling her friend out of her thoughts

"Nothing" Lindsay forced a smile "This is great thanks for taking me out"  
"Tomorrow is your wedding!" Stella smiled "This is the closest to a bachelorette party you're getting too and it looks like you'd rather be anywhere else but here"  
"Of course not" she argued "This is great really"

"Where's is your groom tonight?" Stella questioned raising an eyebrow "I thought this was supposed to be a joint party"  
"He's working" she shrugged "Besides we're sticking with tradition and are not going to see each other until the wedding"

"I don't blame you" Stella smirked

"What are we drinking ladies?" Flack questioned walking over with Jess

"Shirley Temple" Lindsay said to him

"I'll have a beer" Stella chimed in

"You aint drinking Linds?" Flack smirked "Then what are we here for?"  
"She can't go to her wedding hung over" Jess said lightly slapping his arm

"Who said anything about hung over?" Flack questioned "Sid is drinking you under the table Linds- Sid!"

"As long as he's having a good time" Lindsay said turning behind her to see the Medical Examiner stumble over himself and laugh

"Well you should be too" Flack offered handing the bartender some bills for the drinks

"I am really" she argued with a smile "But I'm going to head out I have to be up early"  
"So soon?" Flack whined

"I'm getting married tomorrow" Lindsay reminded him "I don't want to have bags under my eyes"  
"I'm sure you'd look just as beautiful" he offered

"That's sweet but I'm still not staying but please drink on my behalf" Lindsay smiled getting off the bar stool

"Will do" Flack said toasting Lindsay with a beer

"We'll see you tomorrow Linds" Jess said giving her a hug

"How about I take you home? I'm getting tired anyway" Stella offered

"No please stay and party I'll be fine" she assured her but just earned a skeptical stare from Stella "Really" Lindsay assured her one last time

"Alright" Stella gave in "I'll meet you at the church tomorrow"  
"Yea" Lindsay nodded then left the bar

* * *

The ride home was longer to Lindsay then usual. She was lost in her thoughts for most of the train ran and even missed her stop. It wasn't until two stops after hers she realized this. But she didn't mind. It just gave her more time to think. She had always dreamt about her wedding and imagined how excited she would be but it hadn't hit her yet. Was there something wrong with her? She would ask herself, she didn't take joy in picking out a dress (she bought the first one she tried on) or picking a venue (the groom picked it out) none of those normal exciting tasks excited her. Her family wasn't even coming to the ceremony. But still she had hoped that as the big day drew closer the excitement would rush to her like a bolt of lightening, but it never came. As she walked home in the rain she couldn't help but wonder why.

Lindsay opened her apartment door and gasped when she someone sitting on her couch

"What are you doing here Danny?" Lindsay asked holding her hand over her fast beating heart "You scared me"  
"Sorry" he mumbled standing up

"I thought we agreed-" she started

"No that was all you" he interrupted "Look I'm going to lay this all on the line for you right here and right now"  
"Why now?" she asked not moving as he stepped in closer to her

"Because tomorrow will be to late" he whispered "I love you Lindsay Montana Monroe and I want you in my life for better for worse in the good times and the bad ones. Waking up and knowing I'm going to see you everyday is my motivation to work. I want to be a better person for you and I want to love you until the day that I die"

"Danny-" she started but he stopped her again

"Don't get married tomorrow" Danny told her softly

"I love him" she told him  
"I'm sure you do" Danny nodded casually "But you aren't in love with him"

"How would you know that?" she meant to sound bitter but instead it came out soft and as a genuine question she seemed to have wanted or better yet needed the answer to

"Because you don't laugh anymore" he informed her and she looked confused "I fell in love with your laugh before your soul. You used to smile and laugh when doing experiments or teasing me you don't do it anymore. Your eyes don't light up when he calls you or he surprised you at the lab. You are not in love with him Montana"  
"And you think I'm in love with you?" she asked him

"I know you are because there is no way I feel this strongly for someone who isn't in love with me" Danny smiled

"Danny you can't just show up here the night before my wedding and expect all to be forgiven and you and I can have a happily ever after we're past that"  
"No you are" He reminded her

"I can't be with someone I don't trust and I don't trust you" Lindsay told him which hurt him badly

"But you should be with someone who loves you for you" he argued quietly

"But I don't love you Danny" Lindsay told him and she could tell it killed him

"Ok" Danny said walking past her and opened the door, with her back to him he gave it one last shot "But no matter how bad you try to hurt me I'll always love you" then he was gone.

Lindsay stood there stilled by his words and felt warm tears rush down her cheeks. She and Danny hadn't spoken much since the Rikki Sandavol indiscretion but this short conversation caused her to feel more emotions then she's felt in months. The last time they ended a conversation like this, things were never the same

* * *

"_How did you get in?" Danny asked Lindsay as he walked into his apartment_

"_Your neighbor let me in" Lindsay told him standing up from his couch "Are you alright?"  
"What are you doing here?" He asked her ignoring her question he came off a lot colder then he meant to_

"_I wanted to see how you were doing" she told him honestly _

"_I'm fine" Danny shrugged removing his jacket "But I'm real tired Linds so-"  
"I love you" she told him quickly "I really love you and I care about you so I'm not leaving until you're honest with me"  
"That's nice Lindsay" Danny said softly "But I don't want to talk"_

"_You were at the bar last night" Lindsay told him "I heard you drank a lot"  
"You keeping tabs on me now?" he snapped  
"I'm looking out for you" she argued back _

"_I have enough people looking out for me" Danny told her annoyed walking to his fridge and pulling out a beer "I'll get over this Ruben the same way I got over Louie- by myself"  
"You weren't by yourself you still aren't-" Lindsay started_

"_When you needed to deal with things I left you alone why can't you just do the same?" Danny asked her _

"_Because I know what you're going threw" Lindsay said walking over to him forcing him to look her in the eye "You need someone you love to help you"  
"I slept with Rikki Sandavol" Danny told her bluntly catching her off guard_

"_What?" Lindsay asked _

"_I don't love you" Danny told her casually causing her eyes to widen "People I love get hurt you and I were good while we lasted but its been over for a long time and you and I both know it"  
"I didn't know it" Lindsay told him fighting back her tears, he would not get to see her cry she told herself _

_"I think you should go" Danny said opening the door for her "I'll see you at work tomorrow" he said as she walked and before she could respond the door was closed_

And that was that. Lindsay didn't fight for Danny because she was to proud to. The first couple of weeks after the argument they avoided each other and worked opposite shifts but eventually they had to face reality and work face to face again. When they started working cases together again the dynamic was very different, they were very professional and didn't socialize outside of work- ever. Lindsay started dating an ADA that prosecuted a few cases she helped close. Steve Manning was a very smart, good-looking guy but was also very boring and plain. Lindsay often compared them to a couple in there eighties. Rarely go out, watch the same shows, eat at the same time every night. He was a very nice guy and respected Lindsay and treated her well and that was really all she had ever wanted, so she had thought

Danny entered his apartment defeated. But what was he really expecting? Her to agree with everything he had said? He wanted to feel good about at least giving it one last shot but in truth is he knew he was too late and it wasn't fair to confront her tonight. The truth was he and Lindsay hadn't been close for a long time and he was a hundred percent to blame for it. He hurt her so bad because he thought it would save her instead it killed him. After the breakup he watched her from afar when he knew she wasn't looking. Her laugh and smile long gone and knowing he did that to her just made him more angry and bitter he just wanted her happy again. But nothing prepared him for new ADA Steve Manning who was immediately taken by Lindsay's country charm and beauty. He watched him watch her and he wanted nothing more then for the new ADA to get transferred, quit or fired. But that day never came instead the day Danny feared the most came. The day they announced their engagement. The team was in the break room when they both shared the news while everyone was walking over to congratulate them he stood behind and watched how genuinely excited Steve was but then his eyes turned to Lindsay's who weren't gleaming and a big fake smile plastered on her face. You didn't need to be Lindsay's best friend to know she wasn't as happy as she should be. He even caught her on the phone a few times discussing wedding plans and she would just sigh and tell him to decide. When they were together Lindsay had told Danny how she dreamt of a big beautiful wedding with all of her family and friends and how she had even the smallest of details picked out. He knew she wasn't happy and was going to make one of the biggest mistakes of her life. He contemplated talking to her earlier but it was never the right time never the right moment. It wasn't until he heard Stella and Mac discussing that Lindsay hadn't even invited her family to the wedding almost as if she was ashamed of something, That's when he decided to talk to her he knew she'd be out with team celebrating and also knew that she'd be coming home alone so he took the spare key he had never given back and waited for her to return home so he could make things right. Obviously it didn't go his way like most things in his life and he would have to live with the fact he not only ruined his life but also Lindsay's and that thought only would keep him up all night.

* * *

The next day in the Bridal suit Lindsay was looking in the mirror her hair was pulled back in a bun, her veil long and flowing, dark red lipstick and light eyes she looked beautiful but didn't smile in the mirror.  
"Hey" Stella said walking in with Jess close behind  
"Lindsay you look amazing" Jess said with her eyes wide opened

"You really are the prettiest bride I've ever seen" Stella agreed

"Thank you guys" Lindsay smiled "And thanks for being here as well"

"Are you kidding we wouldn't miss it for the world" Jess smiled at her friend "I think they're almost ready to get started"  
"Everyone's here?" Lindsay asked them

"Well Steve is here" Stella smiled "And the team- minus Mac he should be here any minute though"

"Ok well I don't want to start the ceremony without Mac" Lindsay said standing up "Just give me a few minutes and let me know when Mac gets here?"  
"Sure" Stella smiled but pulled Lindsay into a hug "It's going to be ok you can be happy"  
"I am happy" She lied to the best of her ability

"Alright" Stella said unsurely sizing Lindsay up "We'll be back"  
"Ok" Lindsay said as she watched them leave the room she turned and gave one last glance in the mirror and stepped out the backdoor for some fresh air

"Getting cold feet?" she heard a voice ask that surprised her

"You scared me Mac" Lindsay said to him

"Sorry" He smiled "You look breathtaking"  
"Thanks" she said to him with a soft smile but didn't look him in the eye

"Shouldn't you be walking down the aisle?" he asked her

"I don't know I thought so" Lindsay said looking down at her feet causing Mac to look at her strangely

"Something wrong Lindsay?" Mac asked her seriously "You feeling alright?"  
"That's just it- I don't feel anything" She said finally looking at him "I'm not happy or sad or anxious or nervous. I'm just numb it just feels like another day and not the most important day"  
"Then something isn't right" Mac pointed out to her "You know you don't have to do this right?"  
"I don't know" Lindsay shrugged "I'm all screwed up Mac why did you even hire me?" she asked seriously but he couldn't help but grin

"Because you are an amazing CSI" Mac reminded her "You know on my wedding day I was so nervous I thought I was going to pass out"  
"I can't imagine you ever being nervous" Lindsay smirked  
"Oh I was" Mac nodded "Not nervous because I was giving up the single life but nervous about being a good enough husband. I loved Claire so much I didn't want to disappoint her"

"You really loved her" Lindsay said with a soft smile "She was lucky to have a man like you"  
"I was lucky to have a women like her" Mac retorted "Lindsay if this doesn't feel right then you can walk away"  
"My head is telling me to say" Lindsay told him "But my heart is telling me to run as fast I can"

"Always go with your heart" Mac told her

"I'd figure you would say go with your head" Lindsay smirked

"When it comes to the science yes but not with your life" Mac told her

Lindsay turned and looked at the clock outside and realized she was running ten minutes behind  
"If you really wanted to walk down that aisle you would have done so ten minutes ago" Mac said to her and she gave Mac one last look and smiled

"You're right" Lindsay said slightly lifting her dress and walking away

"Where are you going?" Mac asked

"I don't know but I'll be ok" Lindsay assured him "Can you-"  
"-I'll take care of it" Mac said to her and then she jogged to the edge of the curb and held her hand out and yelled for a taxi and Mac watched her pile herself and her large dress into the small backseat and smiled softly then headed into the church to break the news to Steve Manning and the rest of the guests.

* * *

Danny was in his apartment nursing a cold beer he knew it was to early to drink it was barley noon but what did he care? He knew at moment Montana was getting married to someone he deemed not good enough to even hold her purse let alone her hand. Loud constant knocking startled him. He was so annoyed by the knocking he swung the door opened before bothering to see who it was and he was stunned to see his beautiful Montana complete in hair and makeup dressed in her white gown.

"Montana" he mustered out  
"Did you mean it?" she asked anxiously and out of breath

"Did you walk up the steps?" he asked her

"Did you mean what you said to me last night?" she asked again more forcefully and he looked her straight in her big brown eyes

"Every word" he told her and that's when he saw a tear escape her eye

"Good" she said nodding then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into a long overdue kiss catching him by surprise after a few minutes he pulled away

"You look beautiful" he told her wiping the tears from her cheek  
"I'm a mess" Lindsay said to him "I got all dressed and did my hair and my makeup then I left" she told him seriously "I didn't even tell him or anyone that I was leaving" which caused Danny to smile "Why are you smiling? This is a mess- I'm a mess!" she repeated

"Yea but you're my mess" Danny said still smiling

"And I took a cab here and he's downstairs waiting to be paid-" she started up again but stopped when Danny pulled her into a kiss to calm her down

"It's alright" he whispered pulling away but remained inched away from her "We'll fix it"

"I do love you" Lindsay said to him desperately "I was really upset and I wanted to hurt you like you hurt me"  
"I love you Montana" Danny told her

"What are we doing here?" Lindsay asked realizing that everything was still a mess

"You're going to go get changed, I'm going to go pay your cab driver and then we're going to talk and fix us" He told her casually  
"Is this what you want though?" she asked him

"Absolutely you're all I ever wanted" Danny assured her giving her a kiss on the top of her head  
"Danny I can't be hurt again" Lindsay told him "I can't give you all I have again if you're going to walk away"  
"I aint going no where" Danny told her "I'm not going to hurt you again and I know this because I don't think I'd survive it myself"

"Me either" Lindsay mumbled as Danny pulled her into a hug

"I never stopped loving you" Danny whispered in her hair

"Me either" she said back as he held her

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End file.
